sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
