You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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