Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize