Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
