He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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