He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
