so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
