did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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