If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
nutella sex= disaster
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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