i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
