Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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