i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
