This is not my ceiling
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize