Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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