Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
