In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You've changed since you got that strap on
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
