Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
