yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
