you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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