In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
