What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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