Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
