Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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