im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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