How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also, beer. Big fan.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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