Umm I'm too high to move.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
