Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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