Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
