Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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