I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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