I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize