ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize