I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
