Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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