kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You are the jesus of drinking
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
