i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
