He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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