So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
