Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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