Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
