so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
