we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
