This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize