So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
