R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
