oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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