I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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