just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We are two peas in an std pod
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
