how can u be prego again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
