she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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