Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
