oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
