I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
