He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
