so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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