I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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