woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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