I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
