I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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