As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize