yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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