well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
