Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
