I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
