You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
