she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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