Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
