I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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