I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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