I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
